Negotiator

Have you seen the film, 'The Negotiator'? It stars Samuel L.Jackson and Kevin Spacey, both trained hostage negotiators who end up on opposite sides in a tense and action packed battle of nerve and wit. As well as being an excellent film, fast paced with an engaging and easily understood storyline, it is also essential viewing for every parent of a preschooler. At this point you may be questionning my state of mind, but bear with me. Without wishing to spoil it for you, (because obviously you will be wanting to watch it), there is a scene in the film which contains a valuable lesson for parents everywhere. During a somewhat fraught telephone conversation, Samuel L. Jackson basically shreds the nerves of an obviously anxious and inexperienced police officer. Amongst all the taunts and shouting, the key point of this exchange is that as a negotiator you must never use the word, 'No' when speaking with a hostage taker. Makes them cross apparently. Remind you of anything? In a hostage situation, tensions run high, say the wrong thing and it all goes horribly wrong. A neotiator may be faced with urealistic demands from the hostage taker, demands which can never be met and yet an outright refusal is impossible. Instead, he must be creative in his responses, say no without actually saying it.

Well, hello people! How day-to-day is this situation for you? How many times are we, as parents dealing with our very own mini hostage takers? Ok, so there are no actual hostages, not usually anyway although the odd sibling or family pet may become unwittingly involved, but the happiness of the day, the sanity of the parents, these virtual hostages are put at risk whenever we are faced with the task of having to say no. Quick thinking is required, accurate assessment of the childs state of mind essential. Are they tired? Hungry? Over tired? The volatility of the situation increases with every box you tick. Like a negotiator, you know the straightforward response, the one you would really like to make, "No, you cannot have another biscuit." would spell disaster and unparalleled rage. Now, unlike a negotiator whose sole purpose in such a situation is to be a negotiator, you are probably doing a hundred other things at the same time. Trying to refuse a request creatively when you have your head in a cupboard or you are up to your eyes in wipes and nappy cream is no easy task. Practice my friends, practice. Thing is, it may sound bonkers to some but it actually does work. Replacing, "No you cannot have another biscuit." with "I know what you can have, let me show you..." or "It's nearly dinner time, would you like to help me?" may just make the difference between wanting a cup of tea after bedtime or a large glass of wine. Not only will these skills help to defuse lots of lovely little bombs, you will have had oodles of preparation for a new career in years to come. Watch the film, you'll love it, you may disagree with everything I've said, but it's still a great movie.